childhood

I have a new friend who had a very challenging childhood. It has caused me to reflect a bit on my own childhood. I have to say I have mostly good memories. My dad was strict and sometimes unfair. My mom always gave us the ominous "wait until your dad gets home" speech.
I remember my dad whooping my butt with a hair brush once and I feel the shame and degredation of it to this day. I also remember him slapping me full across the face for mouthing off at my mom once. I deserved that. I did not deserve the hair brush whooping.
I remember my dad tucking me in at night. I remember him calling me to take his dirty socks to the hamper. I remember him sleeping on the couch until one of us turned the channel on the tv.... we had 3 choices, you know. then he was suddenly wide awake.
I remember him being very suspicious of me and always thinking I was up to no good.
I thought he must have been a rotten kid cuz he was always sure I was doing something bad.
My dad used to take my pillow and warm it in front of the fireplace and run it back in to me while it was toasty warm. Gosh, that felt good.
He took me fishing. He took me to the dump. He took me visit relatives like my Uncle Ike who was my grandfather's youngest brother.
I remember my mom screaming at me. I remember her comforting me. I remember her covering for me. I remember her seeming very uncaring when I was crying over a boy. I remember her there comforting me when my oldest son was born with a heart defect and we thought he might die.
Man - love, hate, dislike, distrust, contempt, rage, tenderness, empathy, sympathy, an ache that love brings to our hearts, the millions of emotions that a person small or big can experience.
And yet, the love wins out. For me.
I have no ill will towards either of my parents. I know they did the best they could. I know they loved me then and love me still. I know I am shaped by not only them but by their parents and their parents' parents and so on . We all have our stories to tell. Our failures as a daughter and as a parent. Our need to be accepted and loved. We are all looking for someone to love us just as we are.
I am doing the same with my own children. I am doing the best I can. I hope they look back and remember a loving mom. I know they won't remember me as perfect. My parents were far from it and so am I. But may LOVE win out.
Thank God for loving parents, wether they are those that contributed to your birth directly or stepped in because your own parents couldn't do it, as in the case of my friend.
Let's all do the best we can and stop beating ourselves up for the times we fail.
The only parent that will never fail is our Heavenly Father. And He makes up for all our shortcomings. Thanks for reading my ramblings.