Our Autism Story (the condensed version)

Ian Timothy and Dylan Robert Eitniear were born on Dec. 26, 2004. They were conceived via IVF as was their older brother. They were both wonderful, easy babies, slept through the night by 5 weeks, ate, pooped, slept, cooed.


But even as easy as he was, I felt almost from the beginning that there was something different about Ian. Mother's intuition, I think. I told myself it was because there were two of them. If I had only one there wouldn't be all the constant comparing. I mentioned it to my husband who emphatically said "He is fine."


The thing I noticed the most was there was not a lot of eye contact. Also, his grip seemed weak compared to Dylan and my older son. I figured he is so little, he will grow out of it. Always trying to convince myself while at the same time knowing down deep, you know?


He was only slightly (like a few weeks) behind Dylan in sitting up, rolling, scooting, crawling, walking, talking. In fact he actually had more language than Dylan at one point.


At 18 months both of the twins were total turds. Tantrums and head banging were their speciality. They didn't care how hard the floor was either. I lived in fear of having to take one of them into ER and then having them taken from us because no one would believe they did it to themselves! At this time when they were the utmost handful, God smiled mischieveously and "opened my womb" or should say, my tubes and I became pregnant the old fashioned way.


I was less than thrilled. I had suffered serious post partum depression after Ian and Dylan's births and really was still struggling. I felt very inadequate, lethargic, depressed. When I realized I was pregnant I thought "What am I going to do with a baby?" "Why now?" "Why couldn't this have happened 10 years ago?"

Those of you that know me well might be surprised that I was scared and felt so inadequate. Or, maybe I don't hide it as well as I think I do...........anyway. I was terrified.

So...........Lindsay was born and of course, the minute I saw her, I thought, "Oh, how could I have thought I didn't want another baby?" Here is where I really got scared about Ian. When I came home from the hospital,we were all in love with her, except for Ian, he was not thrilled that I brought a little package with me. He totally ignored her, wouldn't even acknowledge that she was in the house. He also ignored me. Literally that child did not speak to me or let me touch him for almost 2 months. When I tried to touch him he just growled at me. He was so unhappy and uncomfortable. He made weird noises of discomfort. While Dylan had outgrown the tantrums, Ian continued to tantrum and they were humdingers.

He seemed distant to everyone but downright detached from me. This was scary as I had worked so hard to feel bonded with him. I was crushed and so depressed. I cried alot and when Lindsay was about 3 months old I was sitting on the floor with her and the twins running around screaming and I realized that I needed help. I immediately called my doctor and spent quite a long time on the phone with his nurse. They called me in a prescription for an antidepressent.

The next year was very difficult. Ian eventually warmed up to Lindsay and let me back in. He was very difficult though and threw outrageous tantrums over what seemed like nothing. At around 3 he was saying alot of words for his age. He was obviously very intelligent. But then he stopped using many of the words he had. His grip still seemed weak to me. Eye contact was still an issue.
I enrolled the twins in preschool when they were 3 3/4 years old. It was hard for Ian but amazingly he learned alot. He picks up everything very quickly. He tantrumed daily and I don't know how Terrah, his teacher survived it. At home we walked on egg shells being careful to not set him off. His inability to communicate his wants frustrated him so that he tantrumed at the drop of a hat. It was a long year. Off and on I tested the word "autism" on my husband and some of the family and our family doctor.
The next fall, we enrolled the twins in preschool again. They were almost 5. Ian began speech therapy. At this time we were ready to have some serious testing done for Ian. I couldn't stand to watch him suffer. He was so uncomfortable. He growled and made noises of discomfort almost constantly. He got angry so easily. He went somewhere where Doug or I couldn't reach him. It was scary to see his eyes begging us to help him and we didn't know how.
A wonderful lady from the Oceana ISD put together a team to work with Ian and see what was going on. After weeks of testing and observation we had a meeting with this team and were told that Ian was indeed on the autsim spectrum. I wasn't surprised but hearing the words made it real and I cried. Doug cried. His worst fear was that Ian would never have a normal life. We were assured that he was on the spectrum but was only mildly autistic. His main issues were language & speech, social interaction, the inability to transition well and restricted interests, which for Ian is computers. He is obsessed with computers and often shows the staff at school what they need to do with theirs.
He continued to have speech & language therapy and we added Occupational therapy to work on his grip and fine motor skills. He had a great preschool teacher and the aide in that class loved Ian and so worked with him alot. Things got a little better, but not for long. As the school year progressed, Ian was having a real hard time again. His tantrums increased. He started throwing things and saying mean words to adults. He didn't talk much to other kids and really had no friends.
At home we were half scared of him. He threw things and wacked all of us in the head or back at different times. Trying to discipline him was so confusing. What was "wrong" ? How did you judge what was "being naughty" or "being autistic and therefore unable to help it"???
I started to learn his signals. When he was having an autistic episode his eyes seemed vacant at first and helpless. And then penetrating.......begging for help.
Our family doctor had always been good to us, but he wasn't touching this autism thing with a ten foot pole. We asked for a specialist. He reccommended someone at DeVos Childrens' Hospital. But we couldn't get in. We had all of Ian's info sent down to him anyway. Well, he looked it over and early that next fall we got in. What a Godsend this doctor is! He is a behavioural specialist and specializes in autism. He warily prescribed some medication because as he said " I can see that you are at the end of your rope." Boy, was he right!
The medication exacerbated Ian ' symptons instead of helping them. His personality which was very sweet went sour and he became very defiant. So disappointing! We called the doctor and said that this med was certainly not working. The doctor called me and talked to me for almost an hour about another med that we could try. He said that he had several patients on the med. but that it was very potent and had to be administered very carefully. We were willing to try it.
He prescribed the tiniest dose. One of Ian's fun little idiosyncrasies is that he refuses medication of any kind. It doesn't matter what is tastes like, looks like, if it dissolves on his tongue, is chewable..........etc. Well, thank the good Lord that this med was liquid, colorless and tasteless!
He is a big ice water drinker so we were able to put it in his water. And we watched and waited.

In a matter of days he was calmer, more tolerant of situations. His tantrums became fewer and farther between. In a couple weeks they pretty much stopped. Eventually Ian began to talk more, a lot actually! He actually started conversation and didn't pull back. He laughed alot more. He began to crack jokes, and get jokes. His personality started shining through. He no longer seemed to go off somewhere where I couldn't help him. His eyes were clear and full of joy. He was more caring and compassionate.
We saw Dr. R this month at DeVos CH and he was amazed at Ian' progress. His first visit was awful, second one not much better, third was better but this last one was awesome. He even let the nurse take his blood pressure which is way out of his comfort zone. He is so likeable!
I told Dr. R as we were leaving how thankful we are for him and that we are enjoying Ian for the first time since he was a baby.

I have a very close bond with Ian. He is very tactile which is good because I am very huggy and kissy with my kids. He tells me all the time that he loves me.
We still have issues. It is not totally clear sailing and maybe never will be. But things are 80% better than 2 years ago. Ian still tantrums occassionally but they are manageble. He is getting tired of school. I think he is bored. He is way ahead of his class academically. He still doesn't talk alot about friends. He isn't real social. He is happiest at home. We did go to a movie over Christmas. Ian was nervous about the noise but we had some earplugs to lessen the noise. And he got his school picture taken this year (earlier post) for the first time. He is more willing to try new things.
God is awesome.
I will end now..............thanks if you read all this!!!
And thanks for caring about Ian and other kids with autism.